Things not to do to Power of Five characters
by Eaglistic
Summary: Deliver pizza to Chaos? Train Matt in the ways of the Force? Declare a powers contest? Or maybe a gangster Pedro is more up your street? Crazy things are afoot in the Power of Five universe... What's your favourite? Tell me on the poll on my profile! 41-45: Hipster Chaos? Instagram arrives, and the llamas exact their revenge... Number 9 is very crazy indeed...
1. Chapter 1:1-5

**Things not to do to Power of 5 characters**

**A/N: My first Power Of 5 fic:) I hope you like it!**

**1: Steal Pedro's English-Spanish dictionary**

"¿DONDE DIABLOS ESTÁ MI DICCINARIO?" demanded Pedro as he stormed through the hacienda.

"I don't know!" protested Matt.

"Ah, sí?" Pedro said sarcastically.

**2: And tell him Matt took it**

He moved on to the twins.

"Matt took it," Jamie immediately said.

Pedro than began to administer torture by feather duster on the unfortunate Matt. In the room above, two twins were laughing their heads off.

**3: Send Jamie and Scott invites to the Mental Health Hospital.**

The postman knocked at the door of the hacienda. Three teenage boys rushed downstairs. Matt was nowhere to be seen.

The postman spoke, sounding quite familiar.

"Do Jamie and Scott Tyler live here?" he enquired, holding two envelopes out.

Jamie and Scott took the envelopes and ripped them open.

**Dear Sir**

**You have been invited to Lima Mental Health Hospital**.

The twins didn't read any more. They read the mind of the 'postman'.

"MATT!"

**4: Deliver pizza to Chaos' Ice Palace,**

Chaos sat on his totally overkill throne of darkness, pondering ways to kill The Five. His Fire Riders and fellow Old Ones surrounded him. At that moment, the doorbell screamed.

"PIZZA DELIVERY!" yelled someone below.

Chaos yelled for one of his minions to go get the pizza. One of his Fire Riders went down and opened the door to see Matthew Freeman holding a large, flat, steaming box.

"Pizza delivery!" he said, then ran from the scene before the Fire Rider could actually get what the crazy teenager had just done.

**5: Justin Beiber is not Chaos**' son.

Matt kept one hand on his gun. Beside him, Jamie and Scott crept through the throng of pushing people, kicking some of the belibers out of the way.

'Now' thought Jamie to Scott.

Jamie nodded at Matt. The three teenage boys sprinted onto the stage and confronted the singer.

"YOU ARE THE SON OF CHAOS!" yelled Matt.

Jamie tapped into his powers.

"Jump off that handy tower over there," he said.

So Justin Beiber died. But there was another problem. The rabid belibers. Pedro had his hands full when the three teenagers limped home, muttering about rabid fans.

**A/N: 1st translation= Where the f_ is my dictionary?**

**2nd translation= Oh yeah?**

**Reviews make me happy:)**


	2. Chapter 2:6-10

**A/N:I'm back. Sorry for the update time:(. WARNING: Slight yaoi and incest bashing, nothing against yaoi.**

**PS: In a couple of them, it helps to have read the AWESOME Oblivion**.

**6: Do not gamble at all with Jamie or Scott.**

"That's five pounds," Jamie said to the protesting Matt.

"But how the _hell_ are you doing that?" asked Matt.

Scarlett, watching from the sides, sighed.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No!" Matt said. Then the truth dawned on him.

"You're _cheating_ with your powers!"

Scarlett shook her head.

"No, of course Jamie just got a_ perfect hand_ all by himself," she said sarcastically.

"Three can play at that game," said Matt.

The cards were scattered about the floor.

"Sore loser," said Jamie.

"Cheat!" Matt replied.

Scarlett decided to leave them to it. Pedro could step in if needed. Boys, she thought.

**7: I cannot declare an 'Official Hug Chaos Day.'**

Chaos was very confused. All these puny humans had been coming to him throughout the battle and - dishonour of dishonourable things- hugging him! He was the most evil thing in the world, and they hugged him? Chaos groaned as he saw Matt Freeman coming up for his fifth hug of the battle.

"Matt-"

"Chaos, my old enemy! How are you doin'?"

Chaos sighed. _Screw mortals_, he thought. Especially super powered, on the other side mortals. Matt embraced his worst enemy, then ran off to tell Scarlett that he'd broken the record. Chaos groaned again as he saw Pedro advancing. It would be a relief to be destroyed now.

Meanwhile, back at the rebel base, Matt was enthusiastically telling Scarlett about his record breaking feat.

"So I ran, and I completed my sixth Chaos hug!" finished Matt.

"Well, since you've been hugging our worst enemy all battle, why not give your most trusted friend a hug?" Scarlett asked.

"Why not indeed," Matt said, and the two embraced.

Pedro came speeding back to the base, on his fourth hug, to find Matt and Scarlett hugging and kissing. The Spanish boy, with an evil smile, ran off to tell the others. Matt and Scarlett broke apart just in time to see Pedro disappearing.

"He'll tell the others," Matt said.

"Oh well," said Scarlett," They'd know eventually."

**8: Chaos is not allowed to use the more... interesting FanFiction as a weapon to break Scott.**

Scott lay on the torture table. He'd come through Friday, Baby and Twishite, and still would not submit. Susan Mortlake came in, and used the weapon Chaos gave her.

"It's story time, Scott, and today I'm going to read a story about two little boys called Matt and Scott who fell in love-"

Scott desperately tried to cover his ears. He found he couldn't, and slipped to the bed, unconscious.

"That was quick," commented Mortlake,"We didn't even need incest! I think we have our breaking weapon. "

**9: Matt does not have 'The Force'.**

Matt was practicing his power, as you do if you're a superpowered teenager, when he was rudely interrupted by Jamie and Scott.

"Matt, we have something important to tell you," said Jamie.

"What?" demanded Matt.

Scott pulled out a plastic lightsaber.

"You have used the Force, young one, and have become a Jedi. I, the Jedi Master-"

"Hey!" interrupted Jamie," I'm the Jedi Master here!"

The two twins engaged in a battle of telepathic power. Eventually, they gave in.

"We're both Jedi Masters," resolved Scott," Anyway, as I was saying, you are now a Jedi. Unfortunately, Jedi must pay a fiver to get in. Inflation, you know."

Matt ran before Scott could force him to give the telepath the money. Scott and Jamie set off in pursuit, wielding the plastic lightsabers.

**10: Starting a power contest will just lead to conflict. Don't do it.**

Matt sighed as he was dragged by Jamie and Scott outside. The two twins had come up with a supposedly genius idea. A power contest. Matt had tried to tell them it was stupid, but did they listen? No. Oh well, he thought.

"First we have..."

Jamie paused for dramatic effect.

"Matt!"

Matt used his power to pick up a convenient football and throw it at Jamie, knocking his megaphone out of his hands. Jamie glared at him, and picked his megaphone up. The telepath stepped forward.

"Now it's the amazing Jamie Tyler!" said Jamie," Matt, jump into that lake."

Matt jumped obediently.

"Not to worry, Pedro might be able to heal him later," said Jamie confidently.

A gust of wind brought Matt back, before he could hit the floor. Scarlett placed him down on the ground. Jamie bowed, and Scott took over.

"Presenting the even more amazing Scott Tyler!" he said, casually stealing Jamie's megaphone.

This sentence started a heated argument between the two telepaths.

"I'm the most amazing!"

"No I am!"

"No me!"

**30 minutes later.**

Scarlett, bored out of her mind, decided to demonstrate that her power was the best. A huge wave rushed from the lake, and drenched the twins. From a higher vantage point, Scarlett observed her work.

"I think that decides it," Matt observed.

"Me too," said Scarlett," Let's go inside, shall we?"

Pedro watched them go with a small smile on his face. He was happy for his friend, of course, but the whole Matt and Scarlett relationship provided him with a lot of blackmail. Pedro decided to go down to Jamie and Scott, just in case they needed a healing hand.

**A/N: Again, I do not hate gay people. Slash bashing, if any, is for humorous purposes. Yes, there are incest stories, Jamie/Scott. I advise against reading them.**

** On a side note, there's a disturbingly low number of Matt/Scarlett fics here. If anybody could write more, that'd be great! Thanks to all these people for reviewing/following/favouriting:**

**ColdnessOfLove (who encouraged me to put Scarlett/Matt in, and yes, I did find my dictionary:)**

**Savannah Silverstone(who gave me the idea to update, thanks for kick starting that)**

**XxElectricGirlxX( my first true reviewer)**

**Keep it up, and thanks again!**


	3. Chapter 3:11-15

**Chapter 3: 10-15**

**A/N: Happy Easter(slightly late, I know). There are some Easter-themed stories here, and Professor Chambers is still alive. Thanks to Abbey Grimm Dawn, ColdnessOfLove, Savannah Silverstone and XxElectricGirlxX for reviewing/following/favouriting.**

**11: Don't start an Easter egg hunt**.

It was Jamie's idea.

"It'll get our morale up!" he said happily," Not that Matt or Scarlett need that of course."

Matt gave Jamie a glare, but wisely didn't start an argument.

"I got Richard and some llamas to hide the eggs," said Jamie.

So the hunt started. Jamie decided that there was no fun in not cheating, and decided to go and find Richard to extract the eggs' location from him. This however, was not as simple as it seemed.

Jamie burst into the kitchen to find Pedro holding a button marked 'RELEASE EVIL LLAMAS', and Richard cowering.

"Last locations, and if they aren't right, I'll release the evil llamas, and you'll have some explaining to do to Professor Chambers," said Pedro.

Richard complied, and Pedro ran off, leaving Jamie confused but furious. He ran in pursuit, leaving Richard shaking his head in disbelief.

Pedro was heading for Professor Chambers' electric buggy. He jumped in and drove off , collecting eggs as he went. Jamie jumped into the second, slower buggy, and set off in hot pursuit.

Meanwhile, Scott was putting his egg collecting machine to good use. He casually bit into his fifth egg.

"Mmmmm," he sighed. Life was good.

This happiness didn't last however, as his egg collecting machine flew out of his hands and into Matt's. Scott ran after the fleeing Matt, screaming "GIVE THAT BACK YOU CRAZY BASTARD!"

Scarlett, however, had settled on an easier option. She'd decided that there was no point joining the fray yet. She'd just wait until they had most of the eggs. Then she'd put her power to good use.

Thirty Minutes Later

The Five were now thoroughly sick, having eaten large quantities of chocolate. For Scott, who'd eaten the most because of his policy of eating as quick as possible, this was amplified. And then the lightning started.

"Typical," thought Scott.

Jamie, feeling much the same way after his failed pursuit of Pedro, agreed heartily.

For Scott and Jamie, being knocked unconscious by lightning was almost a relief.

Scarlett quickly took all of Scott and Jamie's hoard. Now to find the others, she thought. But Pedro, who'd already found the rest of the eggs and retreated to the bunker installed to protect from enemy attack, was one step ahead of her.

Matt, who'd joined Pedro in the bunker, was feeling a lot better now he'd had some water. The two boys slowly ate through the huge pile of chocolate stockpiled in the bunker, happily thinking of the bragging they could do later, and the mountain of chocolate ahead.

Matt finished off a Dairy Milk Caramel egg.

"We should probably let Scarlett in," he said through a mouthful of caramel.

Pedro nodded.

"After she's contributed to Mount Chocolate," he said, indicating the growing chocolate mountain.

The door swung open, and Scarlett entered, dragging three large bags of Easter eggs. She dumped them on the pile.

"Is that OK?"

Mount Chocolate now touched the bunker ceiling, from its deepest point to the top, about three metres high. Matt gazed at it.

"Yeah, that's OK. Now, I regret that we have to eat it," he replied.

Two hours later

Scott and Jamie, wet, cold and miserable, entered the bunker to find Matt, Pedro and Scarlett rapidly consuming Mount Chocolate. They joined in, and soon the great mountain vanished. This led to a huge sugar high which lasted for days. The carnage was immense.

**12: I cannot say Chaos' palace needs a new look for Spring, and nor can I give it a new look.**

It was a horrific sight for Chaos. His towering, amazingly scary ice palace had been painted like a Spring garden. Complete with flowers, bunnies and sunshine. Chaos did his equivalent of a facepalm. This wasn't turning out to be a Happy Easter.

**13: I cannot get the Old Ones to do the Harlem Shake.**

You had to feel for Chaos. Poor world-destroying, totally evil Chaos. First his palace had been vandalised. And now the two telepaths were making most of his army do that insufferable, stupid Harlem Shake thing, and kept trying to get him to do it.

"C'mon Chaos old chap, do it!" shouted Jamie.

"For the 546th time, I will not do the Harlem Shake!"shouted Chaos.

"Please!"

"No."

"Please!"

"No."

"Pretty please!"

"Still no!"

12 hours later.

"Please."

"For evil's sake..."

"Does that mean you'll do it?"

"No."

**14: Nor can I start an airline using Chaos's giant hummingbirds.**

"Roll up, roll up! Awesome Airlines offers you the chance to go anywhere for only £43! Our hummingbirds will fly you anywhere!"

The telepaths were smiling as the money flowed in. Stealing Chaos's hummingbirds had been a good idea. They'd outsell Easyjet in no time.

**15: April Fooling Chaos won't win the war, he's not that stupid.**

Chaos was relaxing after all the stress of the past few days when the phone rang.

"Hello, Evil Chaos Dude, boss of the Old Ones speaking!"

"Hey! You've just won one million pounds!"

"Seriously?"

"Nope. But you can win a tenner if you come to Raven's Gate at ten thirty," said the person on the other end.

*Raven's Gate. The Five are hiding.*

"He won't come," Pedro said.

"Don't be a defeatist!" Jamie scolded.

There was a loud rumble as Chaos arrived - with an army in tow.

"Aww, crap," said Jamie.

"Run?" asked Pedro.

"Run," confirmed Jamie and the Five ran off.


	4. Chapter 4:16-20

**Chapter 4: 16-20**

**A/N: *17 could be offensive to some people( it involves dancing on Susan Mortlake's(evil woman out of Nightrise who tortured Scott) grave).**

**16: I may not hold an official 'Support The Old Ones' cake sale.**

"What the hell is this?" asked Matt.

A stall had been erected, with cakes and other yummy treats, all decorated with messages such as 'Chaos rules' or 'Support the evil, world destroying side' or 'Team Chaos'. Jamie and Scott stood by it, selling the goods.

"It's a cake sale!" Jamie said.

Matt sighed.

"But why are we selling cakes to support the Old Ones?" asked Matt.

Jamie looked around confusedly.

"Damn, I thought we were selling them to support us! I'm sure I did one saying 'Team Jamie'," he said.

"Boys," said Scott in a low voice," I think we've been sabotaged."

**17: I may not sing 'Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead' when Mortlake dies, or dance on her grave.***

The gun fired. Jamie desperately turned its path. Mortlake collapsed, dead. Jamie ran over to her dead body, and Scott, regaining sanity briefly, joined him. Together, the boys began to sing.

"Ding dong, the witch is dead! Ding dong, the witch is dead!"

Then Scott fell back into insanity, and the boys were picked up by Natalie Johnson, which ended their highly disrespectful song.

**Post- Nightrise, Pre-Necropolis**

Mortlake's funeral was a small affair. Sadly, the kids imprisoned by Nightrise (led by Jamie and Scott) didn't get to gatecrash it. However, they compensated for that with a gleeful dance later, also led by the twins, upon the grave of Mortlake.

**18: Chaos does not have brothers called Darth Vader and Voldemort. Saying so is a bad idea**.

"So Chaos!" yelled Jamie through a megaphone," How's the family doin'?"

Chaos gave a growl, which quite clearly said Shut the hell up and let me get on with destroying the world. No, I don't know how that was clear either.

"Your bro got killed in Return Of The Jedi, and your other bro got killed in The Deathly Hallows Part Two! But maybe they like, live on?" asked Jamie.

Chaos gave a roar which meant something along the lines of Shut the beep up, you beeping beeped up beep, beeping not my beeping brother (the Chaos translator broke here under too many swear words). Jamie reared back.

"So you didn't get on with your brothers, Chaos? Family divisions?"

Chaos made the effort to go into English.

"They aren't my ***** brothers!"

"Oh," said Jamie," Stepbrothers?"

Chaos raged, then quit back to his comfortable rage room.

**19: 'Training exercises' are not allowed**.

Jamie and Scott sneaked up the stairs, carrying baseball bats and water pistols, with other fairly non-lethal weapons. Jamie detached to take down Pedro, while Scott went for Matt.

Pedro was rudely awoken by a water bomb in the face.

"Oh my god it's the Old Ones!" he screamed.

Then he saw Jamie.

"Die Old One die!" he grinned.

Pedro picked up the huge water cannon that was concealed under his bed. Jamie ran.

Matt was awoken by the scream just in time to see Scott creeping up on him.

"Scott!" he reprimanded," That's why all those people write slash about us!"

Scott looked apologetic.

"I know Matt," he said, shuddering at the thought of more slash," But, I still have to do this!"

Scott opened fire, spraying water all over Matt, then ran as Matt grabbed the Nerf gun which lay by his bed.

Meanwhile, Jamie was on his way to Scarlett's room, slightly uncomfortably. What he didn't realise, however, is what happened when you tried to go into Scarlett's room at night.

There was a snap, and Jamie tripped over the tripwire, and straight into the concealed trap door(well, hole in the floor). He landed in the basement, while Scarlett emerged from brushing her hair. She waved cheekily down to him.

"Sucker," Scarlett grinned. She then withdrew her own weaponry, sidestepped the traps (only Scarlett and Matt could get past the traps, since Scarlett had to want you to get through) and joined the fight.

Jamie? thought Scott.

Basement, replied Jamie.

I'll come for you - aghh!

Matt gleefully carried out his revenge, hitting Scott in the head twice with the Nerf darts. Scott ran, and Matt shot him another three times before he finally escaped, straight into Pedro's path. But he didn't know that.

Pedro readied his water cannon. It was a huge thing, and had helped Pedro to throw off the 'weak healer kid' stereotype by a few drenchings of various people. He suddenly spotted Scott, and let loose with two shots.

Scott saw the huge wave of water far too late. He knew exactly what it was. Scott collapsed as the water crashed upon him, and Pedro did a victory dance.

**20: There are no democratic elections for leader of the Five.**

"I think we all have to agree that I am the leader," Matt said.

"Dictator!" said Jamie, who'd been let out of the basement," And Scott would agree with me!"

Scott was currently drying out in front of a large heater after his soaking.

"Scott's not here," pointed out Scarlett.

"Well, this llama agrees with me!" Jamie said.

The llama in question promptly spat at Jamie and escaped.

"How rude," muttered Jamie," I demand elections!"

"You'll get destroyed!" said Matt.

"Game on," replied Jamie.

**Thirty minutes later**.

Jamie was finishing his project. He was pasting 'Vote Team Jamie' all over the area, and was carrying out his secret plan. Matt had also pasted Team Matt signs over the area, and had canvassed support.

"The votes are in!" Scarlett proclaimed.

A screen lit up, with the results upon it.

"For Team Matt, we have: Matt, Scarlett, Pedro, Richard, Professor Chambers, a random guy, the Nexus and Simples the meerkat. For Team Jamie: Jamie, Scott and 500 llamas. Sadly for Team Jamie, however, the terms and conditions state that llamas are banned from voting, so the victory goes to Team Matt!" said Scarlett.

Matt celebrated by grabbing a bottle of Coke and popping it open, then downing the whole thing.

"The vote was rigged!" declared Jamie.

"Have a Coke, Jamie, and let's forget it!" Matt offered.

"Okay," said Jamie, and was soon joining the celebrations, which had turned from 'Team Matt' to 'a huge party for no particular reason.'


	5. Chapter 5: 21-25

**Part Five: 21-25**

**21: Chaos does not just need a boyfriend.**

Chaos brooded on the top of his palace. This whole war thing was tiring. The Five were crazy. He sighed as he spotted Jamie's helicopter, recognisable as Jamie's because it said 'Chaos sucks and Jamie is awesome' on it in spray painted letters. At least, that's what Chaos thought. Jamie's spray paint wasn't the clearest.

"Hey Chaos?" called Jamie.

"What?" asked the tired Old One.

"I know why you're so mad!" yelled Jamie.

"Why?" asked Chaos tiredly.

"You just need a boyfriend!"

Chaos's screams of rage filled Oblivion as Jamie flew off.

**22: The Five should be kept well away from Facebook**.

Matt sat at the computer. He logged into Facebook, and began to create his profile.

**Name: Matt Freeman**

**Age: 15**

**Status: Fighting the Old Ones like a BOSS dudes!**

**Relationships: In a relationship with Scarlett Adams!**

**Groups: The Five, the Lead Protagonist Group, Team Matt and the World Army.**

**Likes: My girlfriend Scarlett, beating the Old Ones and generally other awesome things.**

**Dislikes: Old Ones, witches and Nightrise.**

**Friends: Scarlett Adams, Jamie Tyler, Scott Tyler, Richard Cole, Professor Chambers, Totally-Not-Chaos, Lohan and Pedro The Totally Awesome.**

**Titles: Leader Of The Five, The Joint Most Awesome of The Five and Matt.**

**Enemies: Chaos, Old Ones and**

**Nightrise.**

**10 Comments**

Jamie Tyler: That's the crappest profile I've ever seen.

_Jamie Tyler is no longer friends with Matt Freeman._

Jamie Tyler: Actually, looking at some others here, it's OK.

_Jamie Tyler is now friends with Matt Freeman_.

Scarlett Adams: Nice profile Matt!

Matt Freeman: Thanks!

Scott Tyler: ...

Jamie Tyler: Silence is the best policy bro'.

Pedro The Awesome: Yes! I've already got lots of friends!

Totally Not Chaos: Really?

Pedro The Awesome: Yeah!

**Name: Pedro The Awesome**

**Status: Being awesome and chilling with the Five.**

**Groups: Underapppreciated awesome sidekicks, Awesome People Who Have A Hard Time, The Five and the World Army.**

**Likes: Kicking Old One's asses, being awesome and speaking Spanish.**

**Dislikes: Chaos and Nightrise.**

**Titles: Pedro The Totally Awesome, Inti, Manco Càpac and The Healer.**

**Friends: Matt Freeman, Jamie Tyler, Scott Tyler, Scarlett Adams, Richard Cole, Professor Chambers, Totally-Not-Chaos, Lohan and 1,000,000,000 others.**

**Enemies: Chaos and the Old Ones. Oh, and Nightrise.**

** 7 Comments**

Matt Freeman: WTF Pedro, one billion friends?

Pedro The Awesome: I'm a friendly guy!

Jamie Tyler: Jeez.

Totally Not Chaos: One of the Five... I mean, like, wow! I'm totally not Chaos by the way.

Scott Tyler: D'you think the guy above me's not telling us something?

Matt Freeman: Don't be silly Scott. It's not like he's Chaos, is it?

Scott Tyler: Yeah, that'd be funny, Chaos on FB. Lol. Check out my profile!

**Name: Scott Tyler**

**Status: Why do you wanna know?**

**Groups: The People Who Get Tortured, The Five, The Old Ones, Traitors Who Turn Good and Telepaths United.**

**Likes: Chilling out, being telepathic, football and using my power.**

**Dislikes: The Nightrise b_s and the Old Ones.**

**Titles: Scott and Flint.**

**Friends: Matt Freeman, Jamie Tyler, Pedro The Awesome, Scarlett Adams, Richard Cole, Professor Chambers, Totally-Not-Chaos, Lohan.**

**Enemies: Chaos, Old Ones and Nightrise.**

**7 Comments**

Jamie Tyler: Cool profile bro'

Scarlett Adams: Mine's totally the best! _Isn't it_ Matt?

Matt Freeman: Maybe, probably, ok, ok, yes!

Scarlett Adams: Good. So let's check mine out!

Scott Tyler: Hey, doesn't anyone care about mine?

Matt Freeman: Not really.

Scott Tyler: Well _that's_ nice.

**Name: Scarlett Adams**

**Status: Being the only girl in the Five, but still being awesome.**

**Relationships: In a relationship with Matt Freeman xxx! Yeah!**

**Groups: The Five, Awesome Female Characters, World Army and Team Matt.**

**Likes: Spending time with Matt, practising my power and chilling out.**

**Dislikes: Old Ones, Chaos and Nightrise.**

**Titles: Scar, Lin Mo.**

**Friends: Matt Freeman, Jamie Tyler, Pedro The Awesome, Scott Tyler, Richard Cole, Professor Chambers, Totally-Not-Chaos, Lohan.**

**Enemies: Chaos, Nightrise and the Old Ones. **

**5 Comments**

Matt Freeman: Love your profile Scar xxx!

Scarlett Adams: Love yours too!

Jamie Tyler: Matt and Scarlett, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Pedro The Awesome: *Awkward silence.*

Jamie Tyler: Let's go to my profile, shall we?

**Name: Jamie Tyler!**

**Status: Being the most awesome of the Five.**

**Likes: Telepathy, Holly, being awesome.**

**Relationships: In a relationship with Holly!**

**Groups: The Five, Telepaths United and the World Army.**

**Likes: Being awesome, seeing Holly and pranking people.**

**Dislikes: Old Ones, Chaos, Nightrise.**

**Friends: Holly, The Traveller, Susan Ashwood, Matt Freeman, Pedro The Awesome, Scott Tyler, Richard Cole, Professor Chambers, Totally-Not-Chaos, Lohan.**

**Titles: Sapling.**

** Enemies: Chaos, Nightrise, Old Ones.**

**Comments**

Matt Freeman: Jamie and Holly, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Scarlett Adams: People in glass houses Jamie...

Matt Freeman: You are _so_ not the most awesome of the Five.

Jamie Tyler: Am too!

Matt Freeman: Oh no you're not!

Jamie Tyler: Oh yes I am!

Two hours later

Listening to the heated arguments upstairs, Professor Chambers wondered who had let them join Facebook.

"Richard!"

**23: A dance off will not resolve the conflict**.

Chaos prepared to get ready to dance. The music began to play.

"I'm Chaos and I know it!" sang the Old One," Kill, kill, kill, yeah!"

Matt danced into action.

"The Five are in the house tonight! Everybody's gonna have a strange time! If you're an Old One you may lose your life!"

Watching, Scarlett wondered why the hell this had all started. Matt was a surprisingly good dancer though - ok, a really good dancer - a brilliant dancer - and he looked even more good looking. Scarlett decided that the dance off was worth it, and continued to gaze at Matt.

**24: I may not sing 'Fire' when the sky goes red in Oblivion. Or a modified version of Set Fire To the Rain**.

The sky turned a dramatic firey colour. Jamie burst into song.

"The sky's on fireeee! Na na na na na na na! The sky's on fire!"

He sang again.

"And I set fire, to the sky! Watched it burn as I, took over the world!"

The others watched, completely weirded out.

**25: Nightrise do not have customer support.**

"Hello, Nightrise Corporation speaking."

"Get me customer support," Jamie replied.

"That does not exist," replied the call centre person.

Jamie grinned.

"I want a hundred billion pounds in compensation for being brutally tortured," he commanded.

"Just one moment..."

Two days later

TEENAGE BILLIONAIRE JAMIE TYLER TAKES ON NIGHTRISE AND DESTROYS THEM!

Teenager has an estimated fortune of $100 billion after suing the company to the ground!

** A/N: Sorry for the update timing! I will try to make the things not to do bold, but it might take a while. Hope you enjoyed it! I don't own Po5 or an**


	6. Chapter 6: 26-30

**Chapter Six: Of Awesome Telepaths and Fuzzy Little Rocket-Powered Llamas**

**A/N: I apologise for the incredibly long wait, guys. I hope you enjoy - if you're even still reading - this chapter**. **No 27 has some** **censored swearing in it, courtesy of Chaos' potty mouth, so you may want to skip it**.

**26: Jamie is not allowed to set up his own country( even if he is rich enough to)**

"What the hell are you doing Jamie?" asked Matt.

"Supremely Awesome King Jamie to you," Jamie said.

"Excuse me?"

"This is my country, intruder. It is called TelepathsAreAwesomeLand. Only telepaths are allowed in. Anybody else will be... I kinda haven't got to that part yet," said Jamie.

Matt retreated, seeing the roughly drawn circle which he guessed was TelepathsAreAwesomeLand. He returned to the others.

**27: TelepathsAreAwesomeLand is not allowed to declare war upon other countries. **

The Supremely Awesome King Jamie and The Amazingly Cool King Scott were deep in negotiations.

"Who are we going to declare war on, apart from Matt's country," Amazingly Cool King Scott said.

"Chaos is our mortal enemy," said The Supremely Awesome King Jamie.

"Let's destroy the palace then," said The Amazingly Cool King Scott," This means war!"

Two hours later.

"Yeahhh!" cried Jamie, riding in a huge tank. He fired the gun and destroyed the nearest llama.

"Noooo!" Jamie said," My loyal subject!"

Jamie and Scott had assembled every llama in America to be the population of TelepathsAreAwesomeLand. They were using them as their army as well.

"He fought well," said Scott solemnly," Llama army, assemble and enter the LlamaCarrier."

The army of 158,000 llamas, all equipped with weapons and lasers upon their backs, marched into the LlamaCarrier. It took off, followed by Jamie and Scott's flying tanks.

Meanwhile, in the house, TelepathsAreAwesomeLand was being observed.

"The llamas are raging," Pedro said.

The others nodded solemnly.

"Hang on, are they going to Oblivion?" asked Matt.

"Looks like it," said Pedro.

"This will be interesting then," said Scarlett," Fetch the popcorn someone."

**Oblivion, Ice Fortress**

Jamie stood at the head of the horde of llamas.

"Chaos, you have a chance. Surrender now, and your army can have gummy bears before we brutally murder them with the llamas," he proclaimed.

There was no answer.

"Such a shame," Jamie said," Attack!"

The llamas charged into battle. They sped towards the fortress, then ducked as a barrage of bullets flew over their furry heads.

"FIRE!" yelled Scott.

Rockets flew towards the fortress and pulverised the walls, along with many minions.

"AGAIN!" cried Jamie.

This time, the rockets destroyed Chaos's patented So You Think You Destroyed This Wall Sucker( the magically reappearing wall in Oblivion, which the World Army fail to destroy). Inside, Chaos and his top minions started their escape, bemoaning their bad luck.

Five hours later, Ice Fortress 2.0(OK, maybe not quite a fortress, an igloo maybe)

"Sir!" said Chaos' top officer," Damage report!"

The minion continued, well aware of his boss' bad mood.

"We were attacked by approximately one hundred and fifty eight thousand deadly llamas, armed with rockets. They came from TelepathsAreAwesomeLand."

"Where the f**k is TelepathsAreAwesomeLand? I can't find it on the map," said Chaos' third in command.

"I've found it! It's in Totally Not The Five's backyard. Population 158,002, human population 2," said the top minion.

"Sir, we fought bravely... We beat them back first..."

"What happened, minion?"

"The llamas raged. They destroyed So You Think You Destroyed This Wall Sucker. Then they rampaged through the fortress," said the top minion.

"The Fire Riders fought like they were p_d."

"Oblivion was ransacked. The two telepaths came in their flying tanks and destroyed the rest," said minion one.

"Everything fell apart. . They spared nobody."

Chaos sadly looked at the ceiling.

"Alas," he said sadly. Then his rage began.

"What the hell were the Fire Riders doing! They got f****ing overwhelmed by f****ing llamas! They're supposed to be the scariest henchmen ever! Llamas are supposed to be the cute little fluffy things that go around spitting at people! Not murderous soldiers ruining my plan!"

Chaos bowed his head.

"And that wall was supposed to hold back any enemy! That's what the fitter said! So what if it said PRODUCT MAY WEAKEN IF EXPOSED TO LLAMAS. It's c_p! I want a refund!"

Chaos continued to rage.

"Ever since the 21st bloody century it's been s_t! How am i supposed to be an evil villain now!"

"Who am I supposed to get to replace my evil army? Scorpia will just give us crap, Nightrise collapsed, and all the other evil villains won't work with us!"

"My f***ing brothers won't give me any help. The Death Eaters won't help us. Neither will the Empire! And we can forget the Disciples or Overlord! They think we're a laughing stock!"

"Where do we go from here? No villain will work with us!"

"We could ally with Cullen and his stalkers," minion two said.

"F_ing Cullen? Is that what we've sunk to!"

Chaos ranted again.

"Even our minions are deserting! What are we going to do? We signed up Beiber to help us cover our bases! To cover the crap we already had! What happened? He was assassinated and failed!"

He paced for a bit.

"Then we tried to use the Internet! They found out my alias and kicked me off Facebook!"

"And I only said that I wanted to kill everybody, rip the flesh from their bones and burn down the world about a hundred times!" raged Chaos.

"Then I set up f_ing Nightrise! We were doing OK, until Jamie Tyler, a f_ing teenager, sued it to the ground. Well that was a f_ing waste of money, wasn't it!"

"And now he storms right in, and destroys my fortress! Does he know how much damage he caused!"

"I have no options left," said Chaos," I might have to do deals with people."

"Salamanda died and the Librarian's a grumpy old sod who won't help anyone. I see one way."

"I don't want to do this..." Chaos groaned.

There was a stilted pause. Everybody watched Chaos rock back and forth.

"But evil must survive. The 21st century and a few telepaths WILL not kill us off!"

Chaos' poor evil face was distressed. You had to feel for him.

"There is only one option. I do not want to do it, but I must..."

Everybody's eyes were on Chaos.

"Get me Edward Cullen's number."

**28: Chaos is not allowed to send sparkly vampires to attack TelepathsAreAwesomeLand** **and The Five.**

**A/N: Anybody who may be offended by this, please skip this one. Twilight fans and vampire lovers, you might want to as well**.

"What the hell are they?" asked

Matt.

Scarlett's eyes were hollow.

"No," she said disbelievingly.

"Why are they sparkling? Are they high or something? Did someone superglue glitter to them? Am I just dreaming?" Pedro wondered.

"The sparkly vampires have cometh," said Matt.

"Why are you speaking strangely?" asked Scarlett.

"Trauma," replied Matt.

Meanwhile, in TelepathsAreAwesomeLand, The Amazingly Cool King Scott and The Supremely Awesome King Jamie were observing the approaching vampires.

"It's Sullen Cullen and his army of sparkly morons," reported Jamie.

"Chaos must be desperate," Scott said," Let's have some fun."

Sullen Cullen and his army stomped gracefully through the grass. Their 'perfectness' was accosted by a blaring voice.

"Hey morons!"

The vampires looked around.

"What's up with the pale face?" yelled Jamie," You look like vampires!"

"They are vampires, Jamie," Scott sighed.

"Still, why do they go around stalking people?"

With this, the vampires all broke into song.

"Don't blame it on the sunshine! Don't blame it on the moonlight! Don't blame it on the were-wolves! Blame it on the pedo!"

With this, every vampire turned to Cullen, who put on a _'Who_, _me_?' face.

The telepaths applauded.

"Jolly good!" called Jamie.

"Marvellous!" Scott cried.

"One last question," said Jamie," Why do you sparkle?"

"You will _never_ know," snarled the vampires, and attacked. Big mistake.

The llamas lunged into battle. The Amazingly Cool King Scott and The Supremely Awesome King Jamie rode into battle beside them on their flying tanks.

Sullen Cullen was reassuring his army.

"It's OK, we can only be killed by stakes! They don't have any!"

A vampire came up to Cullen.

"Erm, sir, they kinda do," he said.

Cullen stared. Every llama now had an extra-sharp stake fitted to it, and Jamie and Scott's tanks had an armour of stakes.

"Well, at least the _tanks_ can't fire stakes," said Cullen.

Of course, that was when the stake impaled the vampire next to him.

"Well, they don't have stake _bombs_ yet," Cullen declared.

He heard a lot of vampires scream as they were impaled by a stake bomb.

"Now that's just taking the piss."

The battle was short and bloody. The llamas were now burning vampire bodies by the side of the battlefield, and Chaos was tearing his non-existent hair out. Jamie and Scott toasted their success with Cokes, and Matt shook his head, bewildered.

**29: TelepathsAreAwesomeLand does not have an embassy in the house.**

"_Official_ diplomatic business!" proclaimed Jamie as he marched through," Hey Pedro, where are Matt and Scarlett?"

"Probably having some _fun_ together," replied Pedro, winking at Jamie," Now that you've got some cash, would you be interested in buying some blackmail? Only a fiver each!"

Jamie handed over a twenty pound note, and received some _interesting_ blackmail.

"Anyway, back to important diplomatic business! Get Matt and Scarlett, would you?"

Pedro went and retrieved the two from Matt's room. Jamie coughed, and began.

"I wish for two of my loyal subjects to set up an embassy in this house," he said," Llamas, begin!"

Thirty minutes later, Professor Chambers returned to find the 'embassy'. She shooed the llamas out, and dismantled the embassy.

"I guess that does it for diplomatic relations then," muttered Jamie.

**30: TelepathsAreAwesomeLand is not allowed to participate in Eurovision.**

** A/N: Outdated, I know.**

"And tonight first, on Eurovision 2013, we have... hang on, what the hell is TelepathsAreAwesomeLand?"

"We are," said a voice.

Light streamed across the ceiling. The roof rumbled back, and Jamie and Scott dropped from the sky.

"I'm Jamie," said Jamie.

"I'm Scott," said Scott.

"Together... we're Jamie and Scott!" Scott said.

"No kidding Sherlock," Jamie replied," Hello Eurovision! We're participating for the first time!"

The presenter decided to just let these guys get on with it. He checked the note given to him by them.

"Give it up for Jamie and Scott, representing TelepathsAreAwesomeLand, singing their national anthem!"

The telepaths summoned their llama army, and began.

"One llama, two llama, there's another fuzzy, rocket powered little llama! Duck!" sang the twins.

"I think we need mind control," Jamie said.

"Vote for us, because we're awesome!" commanded the twins before exiting.

It came as no surprise when TelepathsAreAwesomeLand won Eurovision, with 100% of the vote.

Meanwhile, watching from Peru, the rest of the Five observed that this Eurovision was a _little_ bit better than the last one. Jamie and Scott weren't too far off the usual Eurovision standard, thought Matt, and reached for some more popcorn.

**A/N: All bashing in this chapter is for humour purposes only, and not to be taken seriously. Hope you enjoyed it!**


	7. Chapter 7:31-35

**Chapter Seven: 31-35: Gangster Pedro, the Mafia and Hiring Problems at Chaos' Ice Palace.**

**31: Kelvin is not a gangster, and he will not help you sell your blackmail *cough* Pedro.**

The Spanish boy crept down the dark, shadowy street. The houses seemed to stare at him, their lighted windows looking like eyes, boring into his soul - OK, that's _too_ dramatic. Pedro was really just walking down a typical Ipswich backstreet. While this experience wasn't particularly pleasant, it was far from the dramatic scene described earlier.

Pedro continued down the street, and spotted his destination. A rundown bungalow, completely un-gangsterish, but Pedro knew that it was just disguised. Even though standard gangsterish features were conspicuously absent, even though it looked just like a normal Ipswich bungalow, Pedro knew better. He pushed open the door.

"You Kelvin's friend?" enquired the muscly, tanned man behind the door.

"Sí," Pedro answered.

The man gave a grin that made Pedro think twice about certain things, such as the conspicuous absence of Kelvin, the fact that no-one else seemed to live in this bungalow, oh, and the badge in the man's pocket reading SUFFOLK POLICE. But Pedro was sure that was just regular gangster uniform.

"Come with me," said the man, and led him out of the back door. A car was waiting outside, a car equipped with sirens, and SUFFOLK POLICE written on the side in big letters. Pedro gladly hopped in.

The man was incredibly confused. Was this guy really that dumb? The kid was insane. Who the hell got in a police car willingly?

Pedro was really starting to have doubts. Still, he was sure fellow 'gangsters' wouldn't screw one of their own number around. That would never happen, would it.

Bored, the Spanish boy pulled out his iPhone. He tapped on Google Translate, curious about what the big letters on the side of the car said. The answer chilled him to the bone.

POLICE.

"_Shit_."

**32: Pedro is not allowed an Uzi.**

Matt was getting really annoyed. The kind of annoyed which was usually only achieved by the twins. But this time, Pedro was the cause.

"_Da-da da dada da da da! Dada-da da da_!" sang the Spanish boy as he stealthily crept along the landing, Uzi at the ready.

"Wait, what?" yelped Matt.

He hit the deck just as Pedro fired, scoring a perfect headshot on Matt's favourite teddy, Mr Fluffykins. As Matt rose, fury in his eyes, Pedro decided running would be the best idea.

"PEDRO!"

**33: The Five are not the Mafia, no matter what Pedro and Jamie insist.**

Matt, Scarlett and Scott were all seated in the Official Meeting Hall( the kitchen) awaiting Jamie and Pedro's arrival. They wouldn't have to wait long.

Terrible spy music filled the air, and two black-suited figures holding Uzis and pretending to smoke cigars slunk into the room.

"Mafia meeting, commence!" Jamie shouted.

"Wrong room," Matt said," This is the international meeting of awesome teenagers. Excluding Scott, of course, he's just here because we can't be bothered to kick him out."

"Hey-"

Jamie consulted his map.

"No, I'm sure I got the right room. I'm not _that_ dumb," he declared.

Scarlett and Matt sniggered, and Scott laughed out loud.

"Actually, you are," said Matt.

"Take that back!"

"Come at me bro!" answered Matt.

Jamie smiled wickedly, and raising his Uzi, complied.

**34: The 'Mafia' is not allowed to distribute Matt and Scarlett's videos to the Power of Five fandom.**

"_Dada da da da da! Da da da_!"

The 'Mafia' was on the prowl again. This time, the mission was very different. With the sadly deceased Mr Fluffykins hanging above them as a flag, accompanied by a dejected-looking Power of Five logo, Jamie and Pedro were selling their favourite product. Interesting videos featuring the best couple in the fandom. Of course, said couple wouldn't be too pleased if they found out what was going on, but they were the Mafia. They were _masters_ of hiding things from people.

Jamie happily counted his money. By his calculations, three-quarters of the Power of Five fandom had purchased the videos. Jamie sat back, lost in happy thoughts. Until a murderous looking Pedro stormed in.

"_Cullen_," he spat," Taking our customers."

Grabbing stakes, and making sure their fake moustaches were attached, the two marched over to the newly set-up stand, where Mr Cullen was selling disturbing stories. Pedro picked one up, and screamed.

"Twilight?" asked Jamie grimly.

"No," Pedro replied," Worse."

"How?" a puzzled Jamie questioned.

"Jedro."

Jamie picked a copy up, and decided to quote a popular Daily Mail headline.

"Ban this sick filth!"

He then decided to utilise the stake by his side, and marched up to Cullen.

"DIE, sparkly paedophile!"

**35: Chaos is not allowed to hire the Mafia, and if he does, he might get more than he bargained for...**

Chaos was happy. For the first time, he might have actually hired someone competent. The Mafia should turn the tide of the war. Nothing beat the good ol' Mafia.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" Chaos said in his best evil-villain voice.

"_Dada da da da da-da! Dadada da_!"

Chaos frowned. That didn't sound like the Mafia.

"Hi, Chaos!"

No. It couldn't be. Could he ever escape the Five? Was it even possible? The evil villain groaned.

"Oh, God."

**A/N: Poor old Chaos. He never gets a break.**

**A special shout out to ColdnessOfLove, Analya-goddess-of-emotions, Abbey Grimm Dawn, CharmedGatekeeper, LARISSA-HAYLIE-IS-ME, Savannah Silverstone, AwsomeWierdo and RavenclawGlader, for reviewing/following/favouriting this story. I couldn't have come this far without your support. This story is dedicated to everyone who reads it, but especially to those who reviewed/favourited/followed. Thank you all, and I hope you're still** **enjoying the story, because** **we** **aren't even halfway yet...**


	8. Chapter 8:36-40

**Chapter Eight: Flying Llamas, Dude, Where's My Skittles, Dealing With It and the Lost Art of Twitter Trolling,**

**36: Llamas cannot fly.**

Matt was having an incredibly normal day. Such a normal day that he was starting to get suspicious. So when he poked his head out of the window and a llama nearly took his head off, he wasn't too surprised.

Meanwhile, up on the roof, Jamie and Scott were surrounded by llamas. Jamie had a notepad, and was busily writing down the results from his llama-dropping activities. He turned to Scott.

"Dropping them isn't working. Prepare the cannon."

Scott nodded, and an honest-to-goodness cannon rumbled out. He picked up a llama, and stuffed it into the cannon.

"FIRE!"

Thousands of miles away in his frozen palace, Chaos was busy sorting through a mass of job applications, cursing as he did so.

"Koboi, Moriaty - WHAT THE _HELL_ IS THAT?"

A UFO(Unidentified Fluffy Object) was hurtling at an incredible speed towards the ice palace. It shot through Chaos' window, and hit him in the face. The evil villain collapsed, and, to rub it in, the llama spat in his bruised face.

"Headshot!" Jamie said happily.

His twin wasn't so happy.

"I thought llamas could fly," moaned Scott.

"They can!" Jamie replied," If you throw them off a roof, or shoot them out of a cannon-"

"That doesn't count!"

"Does!"

"Doesn't!"

**Two hours later**

Matt was taking a leisurely stroll in the grounds, looking for the twins, when he met Pedro, who was holding an ice pack to his head, cursing llamas.

"Seen the twins?" enquired Matt.

"No," Pedro replied," You get hit by the llamas?"

"Yep."

"Looking for revenge?" asked Pedro.

"You read my mind."

Matt and Pedro soon met an angry Scarlett, who joined them on their quest to find the source of the llamas. The group were just about to climb towards the roof when a furious Chaos appeared, his army by his side. An unsurprised Matt raised an eyebrow.

"Here for the revenge?" he asked.

Chaos would've blushed if it was possible for him to.

"Yeah," he admitted," Sorry for not coming to kill you."

"You're _not_ here to kill us?" questioned Pedro.

Chaos nodded, but Pedro still looked suspicious. Matt noticed his friend's hand move to his backpack, where his Uzi was stashed. Before he could stop him, Pedro was levelling the gun at Chaos.

"No fair!" protested Chaos," You guys get guns while we have these crappy swords! How is that fair?"

"Can I kill him now?" asked Pedro.

"Not yet," replied Matt," Anyway, if we could kill him all along with a gun, then what the _hell_ was the point of all of us stabbing him with a sword?"

"Drama?" wondered Pedro.

"You _can't_ kill me with a gun," Chaos interjected," The blonde girl tried at Oblivion."

The Uzi swung back to Chaos.

"No spoilers or I kill you," threatened Pedro.

"OK, OK!" protested Chaos, hands held up in surrender.

Matt quickly broke up the oncoming argument.

"Anyway, guys, shouldn't we be going up this conveniently-placed ladder?"

"As long as he keeps the gun away from me!" Chaos replied petulantly.

Pedro sighed, and the gun swivelled away from Chaos.

"Seriously," he said," The Lord of Evil, and he's scared of something that can't even _hurt_ him. _Baby_."

Chaos looked sheepish, and quickly climbed up the ladder, Matt, Scarlett and Pedro behind him.

**_Meanwhile, up on the roof._**

"Does!"

"Doesn't!"

Jamie picked up a llama and threw it off the roof, bouncing off Pedro's head.

"There, it flew," he said.

"Didn't!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

Jamie reached for a llama, and superglued a pair of wings to its back. He hurled it off the roof, and the llama disappeared from view.

Professor Chambers, on her way back from town with Richard, was enjoying the beautiful scenery when she noticed something flying towards her at high speed. Something fluffy, with a pair of wings superglued to its back...

**PSPCA HQ(Peruvian Society For The Prevention of Cruelty To Animals. Like the RSPCA)**

The van drove through the streets of Lima, on its way to the HQ. Everything appeared to be OK. Apart from the llamas scattered across the city, in varying stages of unconsciousness. The driver started to trace the source of the llamas.

"Professor Chambers' hacienda?"

Back on the roof

"That flew!" Jamie shouted.

"Didn't!" Scott yelled.

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

Jamie reached for yet another llama, and as he picked it up, the cold steel of a gun poked the back of his neck.

"Step away from the llama," said Pedro.

Jamie dropped the llama, and spun around. He was surrounded. Chaos and his friends covered part of the roof. Matt, Scarlett and Pedro covered another, the latter holding his Uzi to Jamie's neck. Another dude was rushing up, with an arrest warrant for Jamie and Scott, detailing 148 counts of cruelty to llamas. But what really scared Jamie was the distinct outline of Professor Chambers, advancing towards him.

"I'll take this," she said, the steel in her voice better than any mind control, sending the PSCPA man running for the exit," Excuse me, Mr Chaos."

There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide as Professor Chambers opened her mouth.

"BOYS!"

**37: Putting Jamie and Scott on trial for cruelty to llamas is a waste of time.**

"You stand here today to witness the trial of Jamie and Scott Tyler," pronounced Matt," They stand accused of 148 charges of cruelty to llamas, including 100 charges of throwing llamas off a roof, 20 charges of firing llamas out of a cannon, 20 charges of assault with a llama and 8 charges added on because I feel like it. Chaos, do whatever you do after the judge speaks."

Chaos cleared his throat.

"I, Mr Chaos Chaos, do hereby sentence Jamie and Scott Tyler to a restraining order. The aforementioned two are to stay at least 100m from any llama, and if they don't, then Pedro will beat them up. End of story."

"No fair!" appealed Jamie," What happened to our defence?"

"Your defence was that you suck, so you should get the maximum sentence possible. I was feeling kind, so I gave you a restraining order," answered Chaos.

"What was the maximum sentence?" asked a curious Scott.

"Death by llama," answered Chaos.

"That sucks," Jamie pronounced.

"Like your face," replied Chaos.

"You did not just go there," an insulted Jamie snarled.

"Oh yes I did!" Chaos answered.

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

**Two hours later.**

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did - hey, where did everyone else go?"

**38: Stealing Jamie's sweets and eating them while he argues with Chaos is cruel( continued from 37)**

"These Skittles are _really_ nice," Pedro commented," How nice of Jamie to hide his _extra_-secret stash in a really easy place to find. He must have really wanted us to eat them."

That night, as the Five finished their dinner, Jamie nipped upstairs to retrieve his Skittles. He leapt for his extra-secret stash, cunningly hidden in his wardrobe so nobody would ever guess where it was, and, instead of grasping Skittles, pulled something else out.

"An _apple_!" screamed Jamie.

Downstairs, the rest of the Five were in hysterics.

"Good one, Pedro," Matt said, high-fiving his Spanish companion.

"You should _always_ eat your five a day," a straight-faced Pedro answered.

**39: 'Deal with it' is not an appropriate comeback.**

**Raven's Gate**

Matt stared down at the witch floating in the acid pool below. Jayne Deverill gave one last shriek.

"You've ruined the plan!" screamed the witch.

Richard passed Matt a pair of sunglasses, and the boy spoke.

"_Deal_ with it."

**Evil Star**

"You cannot enter here! Go back to where you came from!"

Matt's desperate cry resonated across the dry plain, filled with the forces of evil. A hand extended from Chaos' form, and grabbed a pair of tinted glasses. Chaos flicked two fingers at the boy.

"_Deal_ with it motherfucker!"

**Nightrise**

Mortlake collapsed, blood staining the ground around her, eyes wide in disbelief.

"How?"

Jamie grabbed one of the secret agents' tinted glasses, and Scott did the same. Together, the twins spoke.

"_Deal_ with it."

**Necropolis**

Matt stepped down from the wall of knives. Everybody's eyes were wide in disbelief. It was impossible. How could anyone survive that - without even being hurt? Matt quickly snatched Jamie's sunglasses.

"Deal with it."

**Oblivion**

"Your offensive will fail. You don't know what you're dealing with," Matt warned.

"That is impossible," replied the Commander.

"Like us then," countered Matt and Scarlett," You've seen our powers."

"You're _teenagers_. I'm a military veteran," answered the Commander.

"And we're more powerful than you," replied Scarlett," Deal with it."

**40: #Chaos and #Twitter is a bad idea. Especially if #TheFive are on it as well.**

** Chaos was bored. He'd been kicked off Facebook for nothing, really. Who didn't threaten everyone on Facebook, post various messages including this gem:**

**TotallyNotChaos: Time to totally destroy the World Army:) lol!**

**Or this:**

**TotallyNotChaos: Imma kill everyone on Facebook, burn the bodies and stamp all over them:)lololololololol**

**and become No.1 Troll** in two days? It was normal.

Chaos picked up the paper.

"TWITTER TROLLING REACHES NEW EXTREMES!" he read.

"That's where I'll go!" decided Chaos," To join my brethren!"

Matt was just checking Twitter when he realised he had a new follower. Someone called Soahc. Well, it could never be an anagram, could it, thought Matt. That'd be silly. He prepared a tweet.

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**Hi, Soahc! #NewFollower.**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

** Who's this dude?#Confused.**

**Matt Freeman: **

** matttheamazingleader**

** Why do you keep using hashtags TelepathsAreAwesome?**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**It's what you're supposed to do on Twitter, moron. #MattIsAMuppet.**

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**You use too many.**

Chaos watched the conversation unfold with glee. His Old Ones were already turbo-boosting his follower count. Time to troll.

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling**

**You all suck! Imma come to your house and set fire to it!**

**Pedro:**

** PedroTheAwesome**

**This guy reminds me of someone...**

**Scarlett Adams:**

** hurricanes**

**It couldn't be Chaos...**

**Scott Tyler:**

** thegreatscotttyler**

**LOL. Chaos, on Twitter? He's too uncool even for that! #ChaosIsAFail #MattIsAMuppet**

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling**

**Hey - yeah, I totes agree! He's almost as uncool as your face!**

**#Burn #MattIsAMuppet**

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**Hey! Will people stop calling me a muppet!**

**Trending: #trolling #MattIsAMuppet #ChaosIsAFail #WhoTheHellIsSoahc**

**Matt Freeman**:

** matttheamazingleader**

**That's just taking the piss :(**

**#MattIsAwesome**

**Scarlett Adams: **

** hurricanes**

**Starting to get suspicious about totallynottrolling. Also, lay off Matt #MattIsAwesome #Hurricanes.**

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**Thank you Scarlett. Love your username:) #Hurricanes #MattIsAwesome**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**Tender moment alert! #MattScarlett #Hurricanes**

**Pedro:**

** PedroTheAwesome **

**What is this 'Hurricanes'? #Hurricanes**

**Scarlett Adams:**

** hurricanes**

**It's a great song by The Script. **

**Matt Freeman: **

** matttheamazingleader **

**Hurricaneeessss! Hurri-canes! #Hurricanes #TheScript #coolsong**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome:**

**And he accuses me of using too many hashtags.**

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**Together we both make hurricaneeeeesssss! Hur-ricanesss!**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**Somebody shut him up.**

**Matt Freeman:**

**matttheamazingleader **

**Hurri - OW PEDRO THAT HURT!**

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling**

**Seeing your face hurts.**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**WOO-HOO! BURNNNNN!**

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling**

**You all suck, and hurricanes suck, telepaths extra-suck and Matt sucks the most.**

**Scarlett Adams:**

** hurricanes**

**You don't like Hurricanes? Such evil is worthy of Chaos!**

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling**

**That's who it is- not.**

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**So are you Chaos or not?**

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling**

**YE-NO, NO!**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**Swear upon the pink llama...**

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling **

**SCREW THE PINK LLAMA**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**SCREW YOU!**

**Scott Tyler:**

** thegreatscotttyler**

**Let us destroy the troll!**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**I need backup. Man, I wish Holly and the Traveller were here...**

**#Badass #Oblivion**

**Traveller:**

** thetraveller**

**You called?**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**Seriously? You have a Twitter account?#Surprised **

**Holly:**

** tooblivionandbeyond**

**Yes, we do, although it took us a while to figure out how to use our accounts. What's that strange thing you put after your message?**

**Jamie Tyler: **

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**Hashtags. **

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**He's a Hashtag addict.**

**Pedro:**

** PedroTheAwesome**

**That he is. Welcome, new people, to my three-million strong follower army!#3,000,000 #Followers **

**Jamie Tyler: **

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**At least I have a last name on here!#Tyler**

**Holly:**

** tooblivionandbeyond**

**What was that, Jamie?**

**Pedro:**

** PedroTheAwesome**

**What did you just say?**

**Jamie Tyler:**

** TelepathsAreAwesome**

**Nothing- OW HOLLY THAT HURT! **

**Jamie Tyler has logged off Twitter.**

**Holly has logged off Twitter**

**Pedro has logged off Twitter**

**Traveller has logged off Twitter**

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**What happened?**

**Scarlett Adams:**

** hurricanes **

**Holly just beat Jamie up with his own baseball bat. Then Pedro came along, followed by everybody else who hasn't got a last name on here.**

**Matt Freeman:**

** matttheamazingleader**

**Shall we go and watch?**

**Scarlett Adams:**

** hurricanes**

**Why not?**

**Matt Freeman has logged off Twitter.**

**Scarlett Adams has logged off Twitter.**

**Scott Tyler:**

** thegreatscotttyler**

**I better go help my brother. Adios!**

**Scott Tyler has logged off Twitter**

**Soahc:**

** totallynottrolling**

**You all suck! Imma blow you to hell! Imma blow he'll up! Imma kill spellcheck! Expletive deleted. Expletive deleted. Expletive deleted. F_k expletive deleted! Expletive deleted. Expletive deleted!**

**Soahc has logged off**

**Twitter:**

** twitter**

**Soahc has been permanently banned from Twitter for trolling. Have a nice day!**

** Two hours later**

The Five were trying a new and dangerous thing. The crossword...

"Five across, anagram Soahc," read Matt.

"It couldn't be Chaos, could it?" Scarlett wondered.

"It is as well!" Matt exclaimed," Hang on - "

"That dude on Twitter - " Pedro interjected.

"Had the same name - " realised Jamie.

"And was a crap troll - " pronounced Scott.

"It was Chaos!"

Far away, in his rage room at the ice palace, Chaos gave another loud cry of rage, his 560th so far.

"Sir!" a fire rider said," You've been banned from Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus."

"I know," answered Chaos," But where do I go now?"

"Have you tried Instagram?"


	9. Chapter 9: 41-45

**Chapter Nine: Hipster Chaos, The Art Of Evil Selfies, Radioactive! and The Revenge of the Llamas.**

** 41: Don't even think about letting Chaos on Instagram**.

Chaos had just executed half of his minions for the hell of it, a you do when you're an evil villain, and was feeling the need to share his accomplishment. After all, sharing was caring. He remembered the not-so-sadly departed fire rider's comment the other day. Something about Instagram.

After a quick search, Chaos discovered that Instagram was a place where hip dudes shared their photos. Naturally, such a place was perfect for Chaos, the most hip villain in town. Chaos began to sign up...

The Five were bored. Very bored. And when five superpowered teenagers are bored, bad things happen.

"Hey!" Matt said suddenly," Let's share our epic battle photos on Instagram!"

His fellow members of the Five agreed, apart from a guilty-looking Pedro, and Matt logged onto Instagram. The first thing he saw was the 'Trending' section. The second thing he saw was an _interesting_ photo of himself and Scarlett, currently trending at #1.

It had been shared by a user called PedroTheGreat. No prizes for guessing who that was.

"PEDRO!"

"Uh-oh," Jamie and Scott said in unison as Scarlett and Matt rounded on the Spanish boy," RUN!"

Pedro didn't run, preferring instead to whistle for a llama, which ran up, and he rode off on the llama, pursued by Scarlett and Matt. The twins watched until the three disappeared, and then turned to the computer.

"Instagram time."

Chaos was busy posting to Instagram. After posting a photo of his dead minions, with this comment,

**TheBigC: just killed thousands of #minions :)lololololololol #mosthipvillain**

he decided to investigate an interesting thing called a 'selfie'.

"Hmmm," Chaos said," Minions, bring me my phone! I am going to take a selfie!"

Confused but absolutely terrified of Chaos( mass killing of their friends tends to do that to minions), his minions brought his smartphone to it.

"Lights!" commanded Chaos.

The lights were duly adjusted.

"Camera!"

The camera was ready.

"ACTION!"

"Woah," said Scott," This dude looks like he's made out of ink. He looks just like Chaos!"

"He _is_ Chaos, moron," replied Jamie," It even says 'TheBigC' underneath. Who else would have such a username?"

"But why's Chaos on Instagram?"

Chaos found that taking selfies was quite fun. So he took a few hundred of them, just to make sure Instagram got his best look, and uploaded them to Instagram. But Chaos knew what he had to do to achieve the perfect selfie. He had to become a hipster.

**42: When becoming a hipster, try not to get 'hipster' confused with 'hippy'. Chaos, I'm looking at you here.**

"Just give peace a chaaanccce! Now!"

The minions pressed the button, and Chaos' hipness was uploaded to Instagram. Unfortunately, Chaos had misread the word hipster. Quite how he did that, nobody knew. Still, it was Chaos, after all.

Two hours later, Chaos was furious. His hip photo wasn't working! Still, in the spirit of hipness, he'd only killed a few hundred thousand minions. Just a few. Chaos stormed around the room for a bit, then realised the truth. The smile returned to his evil face. Hipster, not hippy. Hipster. Chaos twisted round, and began to issue some new orders.

**43: A hipster Chaos is never a good idea.**

Chaos tapped away at his computer. A wikiHow page came up.

"How to be a Hipster," he read," Rule One: Dress Like A Hipster. Looks like a trip to American Apparel then. I'm gonna blow the International Villains' Meeting out of the water!"

Chaos strode into his palace looking cooler than cool - if you still lived in the 1990s. He wore fake plastic glasses, a sparkly shirt, skinny jeans and classic Reebooks, and had a big smile on his face.

"Lights!"

"Ready!"

"Camera!"

"Ready!"

"Action!"

"Wait!"

A minion ran up, holding an iPod and earphones.

"Hipster music sir. I've loaded it up with some random bands nobody's ever heard of, and some popular ones."

Chaos nodded approvingly.

"Good work, Bob. Action!"

A new trend was sweeping Instagram, and all Jamie and Scott could do was watch as Chaos' selfies stormed the trending section. They had lost this battle, but not the war.

**44: Llamas always get their revenge. Never annoy a llama.**

Hidden from human eyes, covered by thick grass, a hole stood. If one were to go down the hole, one would observe two things before one was killed by llamas. This would be the extraordinary amount of the llamas, and the extraordinary amount of deadly weaponry. All of it ready to attack two telepaths.

"Llamas!" called the Chief Llama," Tonight, we dine in Hell!"

The llamas swept out, and advanced towards the house, a fluffy wave of death. They knew what they had to do.

Pedro was singing. This fact could have single-handedly stopped the llama attack, but unfortunately the llamas were too far away, and heard nothing. The other members of the Five, still asleep (after all, it was five o'clock in the morning) did hear Pedro's singing. The experience was not pleasant.

"Someone's being tortured?" Matt thought blearily as he awoke," Oh well. I'll just go back to sleep - hey, what is that?"

Cursing, Matt padded out of the room to see what was going on, and almost bumped into Scarlett.

"It's Pedro," she said.

Matt sighed.

"Again?"

"Yep. Got any earplugs?"

"No. Shall we go and get some from town?" asked Matt.

"Might as well. He'll be going for a good few hours," answered Scarlett, and took Matt's hand.

The pair walked for the town, completely oblivious to the fluffy army of doom advancing on the house.

Said fluffy army of doom was gradually drawing ever closer to the house, ready for revenge on the telepaths. The Chief Llama gave a war-cry, and, echoing his cry, the llamas rode into battle.

Pedro was no longer singing. Spotting massive fluffy armies of doom tended to stop you singing. Especially when said army was outside your house, and baying for blood. But a good Mafioso always had an escape route. Pedro quickly dialled a number, and waited.

Two minutes later, the buzzing of an engine was heard above the llamas. A helicopter emerged, speeding towards the house at supersonic speeds. Pedro waved to the copter, which quickly descended towards him. He stepped in, and the helicopter shot into the air. As he left, Pedro waved down at those on the ground.

"See ya, suckers!"

Jamie and Scott watched the fluffy army advance in horror. Luckily, they had an escape plan. It was a good escape plan, as well. Sneaky. Well, about as sneaky as a flying tank...

The Chief Llama had the feeling he was forgetting something. What had the boys had when they fought the vampires? Something that flew, and fired missiles. The Chief Llama trotted off towards the flying tank.

Jamie and Scott sneaked down the stairs. The llamas had breached the building. They could be anywhere. The twins stepped out into the fresh air, and ran towards the flying tank.

The telepaths ran into the tank, sighing in relief.

"Pilot, take us to Miami!" Jamie said.

A deafening silence.

"Pilot?"

The twins cautiously padded towards the cockpit. The first thing they saw was the huge llama in the pilot's chair. The second thing they saw was the cannons pointing at them. And the third thing they saw were the llamas sealing off the doors. The telepaths gulped, and the Chief Llama gave a wide grin...

**45 Pedro is banned from uploading ****_interesting_**** videos featuring Matt and Scarlett to YouTube**.

"YouTube, YouTube, how I love good old YouTube," sang Pedro as he uploaded his videos. He checked the comments section on his best video. A heated debate was emerging. Smiling, Pedro joined it:

**The_Great_Scott_Tyler: Woah, woah, ****_woah_****. I did ****_not_**** want to watch that.**

**Telepaths_Are_Awesome: Good job Pedro! We have eternal blackmail! Over 1 million views!**

**Amazing_Leader: WHAT THE HELL! PEDRO!**

**Don_Pedro: Yo!**

**Amazing_Leader: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!**

**Amazing_Leader has been banned from YouTube.**

**Scarlett_Hurricane: No, I'm going to kill him.**

**Don_Pedro has logged off.**

**Telepaths_Are_Awesome: That's got to hurt.**

**The_Great_Scott_Tyler: What?**

**Scarlett_Hurricane: Just a couple of hurricanes smashing through his room. **

Scarlett observed the devastation. Pedro was mourning the death of his cuddly llama. The room actually didn't look too bad, thanks to her and Matt's efforts. But what Scarlett was thinking about was YouTube. The next frontier in their online battle against Chaos?

**A/N: NEXT UP: Even villains like funny cat videos - YouTube strikes! Radioactive gets a whole new meaning, and Pedro becomes the Don?**


End file.
